


Stop Flirting In The Group Chat

by Phelpstwinsandelftwins



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Avengers Family, Avengers Tower, Bisexual Peter Parker, Canon Divergence - Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Civil War Fix-It, Domestic Avengers, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, Everyone Likes Each Other Dangit, Everyone Loves Peter Parker, F/F, F/M, Family Shenanigans, Fluff and Humor, Happy Sex, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, Minor Wanda Maximoff/Vision, Multi, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, One Big Happy Family, Peter Parker Loves Tony Stark, Peter is over 18, Polyamory, Precious Peter Parker, Protective Avengers, Sexting, Team as Family, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Loves Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 01:46:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29709753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phelpstwinsandelftwins/pseuds/Phelpstwinsandelftwins
Summary: Steve, Tony, Natasha, Clint, Bruce and Thor are in love. Their 'adopted' son Peter really wishes they'd be slightly less in love where he can see it.Peter, Shuri, MJ, Harley and Pietro are just a group of friends. Sitting 5 feet apart because they're not poly.... Right?OR; Poly OT6 loving and adoring Peter Parker like he bloody deserves. They absolutely delight in watching him slowly realise he's madly in love with 4 of his friends. And perhaps his friends are in love with him too."Oh come on! What are the chances of there being TWO polyamorous group relationships in a single damned tower!"Oh and it's a chatfic because apparently that's the only thing I want to write.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Clint Barton/Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark/Thor, Peter Parker/Michelle Jones/Shuri/Harley Keener/Pietro Maximoff
Comments: 43
Kudos: 105





	1. We're just here to make Peter suffer, right?

**Author's Note:**

> In this first chapter, Peter Parker invents the literal concept of foreshadowing.
> 
> Just because his adopted family are in a polyamorous relationship, doesn't mean HE'LL be in one.
> 
> Right?
> 
> https://twitter.com/OT7orDEATH

**Tony Stark has created a new group chat.**

**Tony Stark has added users Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanoff, Bruce Banner, Clint Barton, Thor and Peter Parker**

**Tony Stark:** so we can communicate easily when we can't speak out loud for whatever reason

 **Peter Parker** **changed the group chat name to: "Assvengers"**

 **Tony Stark:** alright remind me to strip you of your admin privileges you little shit

 **Peter Parker:** you can't

 **Peter Parker:** FRIDAY likes me more than you

 **Tony Stark:.........** Goddamnit my own children have risen up against me

 **Peter Parker:** I'm pretty sure Harley is still on your side

 **Tony** **Stark:** his morning greeting to me today was "good morning you ancient piece of shit let's get inventing"

 **Tony Stark:** I have some doubts

 **Tony Stark:** and i can't believe you convinced me to let your friends move into the tower with nothing but your puppy dog eyes and here i am, an innocent victim, being mercilessly bullied for my kindess

 **Peter Parker:** actually by Harley's standards that's basically a confession of deep and undying affection

 **Peter Parker:** pretty sure insults are his love language

 **Tony Stark:** yes well you'd know all about that wouldn't you

 **Peter** **Parker:** wut

 **Peter Parker:** ??? Wym

 **Peter Parker:** I don't get it

 **Tony Stark:** never mind kid

 **Tony Stark:** I'll explain when you're older

 **Peter Parker:**

\-----------

**Tony Stark has entered group chat "OT6 4EVA"**

**Tony** : I can't believe Peter doesn't realise Harley is in love with him

 **Natasha:** I can't believe Peter doesn't realise that Peter is in love with Harley

 **Clint:** I can't fucking believe it's not butter

 **Tony:** eat shit Clint

 **Clint:** babe :(

\----------------

**Group Chat: "Assvengers"**

**Thor** : hold on

 **Thor:** I'm confused

 **Thor:** I thought we already had a group chat?

 **Tony Stark:** that's the OT6 4EVA group chat. I had to create a new one for Peter to join now that he's actively going on missions with us

 **Thor:** why could he not join the old one?

 **Bruce Banner:** ....... Is that a joke

 **Thor:** no???

 **Clint Barton:** we can't go ten minutes without someone posting nudes or sexting in the OT6 chat

 **Clint Barton:** obviously we can't let Peter join that one

 **Thor:** Ah of course

 **Thor:** yes I imagine dear Tony WOULD be uncomfortable with his adopted son seeing such beautiful pictures of his cock

 **Tony Stark:** THOR FOR FUCKS SAKE

 **Clint Barton:** KEOFKSKSJSKSKWNDNSKSKXKSJDNDNSJS

 **Peter Parker:** for personal reasons I've decided to pass away

 **Peter Parker:** can't go a dang day in this cursed tower without coming across something traumatizing, in a chat room or in real life

 **Peter Parker:** as a wise man once said

 **Peter Parker:** THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

 **Clint Barton:** so if Thor filled the quota today, what traumatizing thing did you see yesterday?

 **Peter Parker:** Bruce and Thor cuddling on the lounge

 **Natasha Romanoff:...** ? That's all?

 **Peter Parker:** I couldn't see where all their hands were located

 **Peter Parker:** I had to make some assumptions

 **Thor:** good times :)

 **Bruce Banner:** ahhh.... Sorry Peter 

**Peter Parker:** it's ok, Tony will foot the bill when I eventually need therapy

 **Clint Barton:** you don't already?

\-----

**1 hour later**

\------

**Group Chat: Assvengers**

**Steve Rogers:** Tony does have a beautiful cock tho

 **Tony Stark:** STEVE WAS THIS MEANT FOR THE OTHER GROUP CHAT OR-

 **Steve Rogers:** hmmmmmm

 **Steve Rogers:** Tony perhaps you've overestimated our ability to juggle multiple group chats

 **Steve Rogers:...** Sorry kid

 **Peter Parker:** no it's cool I actually blinded myself half an hour ago so I can't see what you wrote xoxo

 **Natasha Romanoff:** I'm crying I can't believe Steve stayed silent in the chat all today only for THAT to be the first thing he wrote

 **Clint Barton:** extra points for making an entrance I suppose

 **Bruce Banner:** and he isn't wrong either

 **Peter Parker:** OK NOW YOU ASSHOLES ARE DOING IT DELIBERATELY I SWEAR

 **Tony Stark:** kiddo I cannot WAIT until you've got a partner(s) and you realise how difficult it is to tone down the PDA when you're madly in love

 **Peter Parker:** first of all, gross we get it you assholes are in love

 **Clint Barton:** <3 YEAH WE ARE HI FIVE NAT

 **Bruce Banner:** they actually hi-fived I'm so tired

 **Peter Parker:** second of all I don't have time for a single partner let alone multiple like you sexual deviants

 **Peter Parker:** so jot that down

 **Tony Stark:**

\----------

**The Next Day**

\----------

 **Tony Stark:** alright not to be dramatic or anything

 **Tony Stark:** but Pete I need you to come hug me right now immediately

 **Peter Parker:** ON MY WAY

 **Peter Parker:** but um

 **Peter Parker:** not that I'm complaining

 **Peter Parker:** why?

 **Tony Stark:** I just woke up from the most fucked up nightmare

 **Tony Stark:** I was in a world where me and the other original avengers never fell in love

 **Natasha Romanoff:** gross. Get that shit outta here

 **Thor:** can't say I'm a fan of that one

 **Tony Stark:** right?

 **Tony Stark:** then me and Steve had this personal disagreement that snowballed into a massive political and ideological schism

 **Tony Stark:** the whole team was split in some sort of uh

 **Tony Stark:** civil war I guess you could call it it

 **Steve Rogers:** baby I'd never let anything like that get in the way of you or the others. Or Peter. You know that 

**Tony Stark:** of course I know that

 **Tony Stark:** but Dream Us were so callous to each other it broke my heart

 **Tony Stark:** and because we were so divided

 **Tony Stark:** we weren't prepared for a massive threat

 **Tony Stark:** and in the end Peter died in my arms

 **Tony Stark:** I can't lie I'm a fucking wreck Peter where are you I need to know you're ok

 **Peter Parker:** I'm alive I promise you im a ok

 **Peter Parker:** I'm a few hallways away I'm sprinting I won't be long

 **Bruce Banner:** oh sweetheart :( that sounds awful. I'm sorry 

**Tony Stark:** it's ok I'll be ok I just need to cuddle my Boy

 **Clint Barton:** if it'll make you feel better I can beat Stevie up for DARING to have a dream self that upset you

 **Tony Stark:** HAHAHAHA the thought alone has cheered me up

 **Steve Rogers:** Clint I thought you loved me I can't believe this :')

 **Clint Barton:** I can love someone and want to beat their ass at the same time

 **Natasha Romanoff:** i consider it a prerequisite actually

 **Thor:** we know you do 

**Natasha Romanoff:** didn't hear any complaints about it last night

 **Bruce Banner:** who was complaining???

 **Peter Parker:** ME. RIGHT NOW. I'M COMPLAINING.

 **Peter Parker:** MOVE THIS SHIT TO THE OTHER CHAT I DIDN'T NEED TO KNOW Y'ALL GET OFF ON NAT THREATENING YOU

 **Clint Barton:** who _doesn't_ get off on Nat threatening them

 **Natasha Romanoff:** uwu

 **Peter Parker:** DONT YOU FUCKING "uwu" ME NATASHA 

**Tony Stark:** I'm so glad this is the reality I live in

 **Tony Stark:** so much funnier

 **Clint Barton:** ..... uwu

 **Peter Parker:** I give up 

**Peter Parker:** I'm leaving the avengers and joining up with Deadpool

 **Bruce Banner:** this is the real civil war

 **Thor:** HA

\--------

 **Steve Rogers:** wait

 **Steve Rogers:** Tony what was the original argument about in the dream?

 **Tony Stark:** oh it was over Bucky

 **Tony Stark:** Dream Us apparently didn't believe in communication and couldn't talk it out like we did in reality

 **Steve Rogers:** ooft

 **Peter Parker:** can't believe I get to witness Captain America say "ooft" I love my life

 **Steve Rogers:** ;)

 **Thor:** where is Barnes by the way? Why isn't he in the chat?

 **Tony Stark:** he's taken up yoga and farming last I heard

 **Natasha Romanoff:** ^ not even a joke

 **Tony Stark:** and these chatrooms are only for active members of the avengers

 **Tony Stark:** that's why Wanda and vision are out while they honeymoon, Sam's out while he's in DC and Pietro is out while he.

 **Tony Stark:** uh

 **Tony Stark:** who the fuck knows what that dude does actually

 **Peter Parker:** oh

 **Peter Parker:** um

 **Peter Parker:** so this app is really only for active combatants?

 **Peter Parker:** is that really important?

 **Tony Stark:** yeah pretty important. Keeps server space clear and helps with security

 **Tony Stark:** why's that

 **Peter Parker:** oh no reason

**\--------------**

**Peter Parker has entered group chat: "Baby Avengers"**

**Peter Parker:** SO I THINK I FUCKED UP MAKING THIS CHAT, SQUAD

 **MJ:** WHEN ARE YOU NOT FUCKING UP

 **Peter Parker:** THAT HURTS MY FEELINGS

 **Shuri:** gOnNa CrY?

 **Peter Parker:** FUCKING MAYBE

 **Peter Parker:** IM GETTING NICER FRIENDS WHO ACTUALLY LIKE ME

 **Pietro Maximoff:** I like you uwu

 **Peter Parker:** oh

 **Peter Parker:** uwu

 **Harley Keener:**

**Harley Keener:** and that goes for all of you

\-------

**Group Chat: "Assvengers"**

**Tony Stark:** YOU CREATED A CHAT ROOM FOR YOU AND YOUR DUMBASS FRIENDS DIDNT YOU

 **Peter Parker:** ........ No

 **Tony Stark:** P E T E R

 **Clint Barton:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 **Peter Parker:** sorry for not realising this thing was some super top secret comms device!!!!! Y'all use it for sexting like come on!!!!

 **Steve Rogers:** you know that's actually a fair point

 **Tony Stark:**

**Tony Stark:** fine you can keep your little poly chat

 **Peter Parker:** that's YOU, _you_ have the poly chat not me??? they're just my friends???

 **Tony** **Stark:** .... For now

 **Peter Parker:** what?????

 **Natasha Romanoff:** 👀👀👀

 **Tony Stark:** but you'd better not let it distract you when we're on missions!

 **Tony Stark:** and tell MJ she has to keep her damned room clean

 **Peter Parker:** yes sir Mr iron dad sir

 **Peter Parker:** and she tries she just gets so distracted trying to become strong like Nat and politically competent like Pepper she wants to become the next Leader of the Avengers and make you all proud (she's working hard because she started training so late in life compared to other people too like pls cut her a break pls!!! i'll clean her room for her if it makes you happy just don't make her sad ok!!)

 **Tony Stark:......** That shouldn't make me as fond as it does

 **Tony Stark:** and don't stress kid i wasn't really fussed about her room i just like teasing you

 **Tony Stark:** damnit

 **Tony Stark** **has changed his name to Iron Dad**

 **Peter Parker:** I LOVE IT

**Peter Parker has changed his name to SpideySon**

**Clint Barton:** you idiots are so bloody cute I can't

 **Iron Dad:** ;)

\------------------ 

**A Few Hours Later**

**\-------------**

**Group Chat: "Assvengers"**

**SpideySon:** if its ok with everyone i'm going to disappear for a while before i go on patrol. I wanna video chat with Ned. I feel like I've barely seen him since we graduated :(

 **Natasha Romanoff:** of course kid. How is he?

 **SpideySon:** he's loving MIT! sad he had to move away tho

 **Steve Rogers:** tell him we said hi!

 **SpideySon:** i will :) have a good night everyone!

 **Thor:** GOODNIGHT PETER!

 **Bruce Banner:** so.............. it's a quiet night..... we're all at the tower..................................... the kid is out............. what should we do with ourselves, lovers?

 **Clint Barton:** oh, I can think of a few things ;)

 **Iron Dad:** me too..... the rest of you need to fight over what names you'll call yourselves in the chat

**Natasha Romanoff has changed her name to SuperiorSpy**

**Clint Barton:** HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

 **SuperiorSpy:** GET GOOD THOT

 **Bruce Banner:** civil war: part 2

**Steve Rogers:**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is this even actually good???? please roast me
> 
> Up Next: The Avengers fight over chatroom nicknames. Peter continues to love his friends but in a, like, toooootally platonic way. Yup.
> 
> https://twitter.com/OT7orDEATH


	2. Asses and Denial And Near Death Experiences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers fight over chat names. Nat finds a kindred spirit in MJ. Peter and his friends continue to flirt while pretending they're definitely not flirting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://twitter.com/OT7orDEATH
> 
> Can't stop thinking about stupid scenarios for this fic someone send help
> 
> I have no beta so if you spot any errors give me a yell

**Clint Barton has entered the group chat: Assvengers**

**Clint Barton has changed SuperiorSpy's name to Gnat**

**Gnat:** you think you're so bloody clever

**Clint Barton has changed his name to HawkBi**

**Iron Dad:....**

**Iron Dad:** i'll allow it

**Gnat:**

****

**Thor:** haha a reference to your codename AND your sexuality, I enjoy your joke my love

 **HawkBi:** this is why you're my favourite <3

**Bruce Banner:**

****

**HawkBi has changed Bruce Banner's name to Babe Forgive Me You're My Other Favourite Love Yooou**

**Babe Forgive Me You're My Other Favourite Love Yooou has changed his name to Fuck Off Clint**

**Iron Dad has changed Fuck Off Clint's name to Big Green Baby**

**Big Green Baby** : why must you baby me

 **Iron Dad:** why must you act like you don't like being babied

 **Steve Rogers:** JUST WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW BRUCE IS BLUSHING

 **HawkBi:** HAHAHAHAHAHHA

 **Big Green Baby:** i'm permanently moving to wakanda

 **Gnat:** but then how will we smooch you :(

 **Big Green Baby:** ..... fair point

 **SpideySon:** WAIT

 **SpideySon** **has changed his name to SpideyBaby**

 **SpideyBaby:** now we match uwu

 **Big Green Baby:** alright the nickname can stay

 **Gnat:** god how does peter have so much power

 **SpideyBaby:** i'm babie

 **Iron Dad:** he's right that totally checks out

 **Iron Dad:** oh and

**Iron Dad has changed Steve Roger's name to America's Ass**

**America's Ass:** i'm not even going to bother arguing

 **Iron Dad:** good boy

 **SpideyBaby:** WHAT did i SAY about FLIRTING

 **Gnat:** yeah guys stop traumatizing the virgin

 **SpideyBaby:** NAT

**HawkBi:**

**SpideyBaby:** i have no defense i'm a massive virgin but you didn't have to expose me like that JESUS

 **America's Ass:** there's nothing wrong with waiting for the right person, Peter. Don't let the teasing get to you

 **Iron Dad:** or waiting for the right......people

 **SpideySon:** i, also, am moving to wakanda

 **SpideySon:** farewell

 **Big Green Baby:** i was a virgin until my mid twenties peter, there'll be no sex shaming of ANY type in this fucking house

 **HawkBi:** god it's hot when he gets fired up

 **Thor:** AGREED

 **Gnat:** i'm sorry petey I was teasing <3

 **SpideyBaby:** it's ok auntie nat i know <3

 **America's Ass:** i stan happy endings

 **HawkBi:** WHERE did you learn "stan"

 **America's Ass:** twitter

 **America's Ass:** from the same nice people who call me a "power bottom"

 **Iron Dad:** i love my life

 **Thor:** i, for one, am very upset

 **Gnat:** what??? unacceptable, what wrong beautiful?

 **Thor:** i didn't get a cute and/or witty and/or silly nickname, which i believe are the 3 main criteria

 **HawkBi:** I WAS JUST ABOUT TO GET TO YOU

**HawkBi has changed Thor's name to T-Horny**

**SpideyBaby:** NO

 **HawkBi:** FINE

**HawkBi has changed T-Horny's name to Assgardian**

**Assgardian:** i DO have a fine ass

 **Gnat:** that is 2 ass related nicknames AND a group chat name 

**Gnat:** i'm sensing a pretty serious theme

 **HawkBi:** i can make it all dick jokes if you'd prefer

 **SpideyBaby:** i wish i was, jared, 19 and never learned how to read

\----

**Some Time Later**

**\----**

**Group Chat: Assvengers**

**Gnat:** so, this is a combined anecdote (on account of me being very proud) and public service announcement (on account of me being very concerned for the safety of everyone in the tower)

 **America's Ass:** oh god

 **America's Ass:** what's happened

 **Gnat:** I was in my training session with MJ and Shuri

 **Gnat:** i decided they've been doing so well, I'd give them both a go at my widows bites

 **SpideyBaby:** god i'm so proud AND scared of my cool powerful lady friends

 **Gnat:** shuri did great. Shes made similar technology for herself before so nothing too crazy happened there

 **Iron Dad:** wait, is MJ hurt???? 

**Gnat:** no!

 **Gnat:** not hurt lol

 **Gnat:** but turns out she's kind of a natural with the bites

 **SpideyBaby:** SO. PROUD

 **Big Green Baby:** peter we get it you're in love with her

 **Iron Dad:** *all your friends

 **SpideyBaby:** not you too, bruce :'(

 **America's Ass:** guys let nat finish

 **Gnat:** thank

 **Gnat:** anyway

 **Gnat:** she's gone on a bit of a rampage with them

 **Assgardian:** ... is mj a supervillian now? I don't think i have the heart to take her down

 **Gnat:** lol no nothing quite so dramatic as that

 **Gnat:** but she did immediately challenge Pietro to the most ridiculous game of hide and seek ever

 **Gnat:** basically if she catches him she gets to electrocute him

 **Gnat:** they've been playing cat and mouse for hours

 **Big Green Baby:** i DID wonder why Pietro ran past my room screaming like 5 times in 3 minutes a few hours ago

 **Iron Dad:** HAHAHAHAHA

 **Iron Dad:** trust MJ to be a violent flirt

 **Iron Dad:** and trust Pietro to let himself get chased and nearly murdered because one of the pretty people he likes asked him nicely

 **SpideyBaby:** they're not flirting old man. this is just how they have fun

 **SpideyBaby:** as friends

 **Iron Dad:** you're so cute when you're being willfully ignorant, peter

 **SpideyBaby:** >:( one day you'll be proven wrong and will have to say "sorry i was wrong peter, i mistakenly thought all your friends are in love with each other" and i will record that moment and savour it

 **Iron Dad:** i have literally never met someone so deep in denial

 **Iron Dad:** and i met clint when he was trying to pretend he was ONLY in love with Nat and wasn't interested in the rest of us and was "happy to share nat if that makes her happy, but not interested in pursuing anything more than friendship with the other men in her life"

 **Iron Dad:** the same man that, as a reminder, now has the nickname "HawkBi"

 **Iron Dad:** so........................................................ yeah

 **SpideyBaby:** totally different situations, not even slightly applicable

**HawkBi:**

**HawkBi:** sure thing petey-pie

 **America's Ass:** not that i don't delight in watching peter squirm

 **America's Ass:** but out of professional curiousity i have to ask

 **America's Ass:** has MJ managed to catch Pietro?

 **Gnat:** she was having no luck at first

 **Gnat:** but she recruited Shuri and Harley to set up elaborate traps to slow him down

 **Gnat:** she's managed a couple of light zaps

 **Gnat:** honestly i'm kinda impressed

 **Gnat:** this whole thing is turning into a pretty realistic battle training scenario for all of them

 **Assgardian:** i THOUGHT i heard pietro squeal a couple of times

 **Assgardian:** he's a good sport

 **Assgardian:** ... or he's into it

**Big Green Baby:**

**SpideyBaby:** wait

 **SpideyBaby:** they turned it into a big game and didn't invite me? :(

 **Iron Dad:** actually kiddo I heard Shuri and Harley asking where you were a little while ago - i think they want you in on the next trap 

**SpideyBaby:** oh

 **SpideyBaby:** well I'd better go join in! later guys!! :) 

**Iron Dad:** have fun! try not to die!

 **Gnat:** interesting to note you didn't take the opportunity to tease him some more about him being jealous of possibly being left out.......

 **Iron Dad:** ah I've teased him enough for today

 **Iron Dad:** with any luck maybe he'll notice this game of "chase pietro" is a poorly disguised date

 **America's Ass:** god I hope so

 **America's Ass:** one of them HAS to realise eventually, right?

 **America's Ass:** they can't all stay oblivious forever...... right?

 **Big Green Baby:** well, how long did it take us, adults, to get our shit together?

 **America's Ass:** ...

 **America's Ass:** oh god they're doomed.

\-------

**Group Chat: Baby Avengers**

**Pietro Maximoff:** anyway if i fucking die today can someone delete my browser history

 **Peter Parker:** bro

 **Peter Parker:** _of course_ bro

 **Harley Keener:** goes without saying my guy

 **Shuri:** ride or fucking die Pietro

 **Shuri:** even if we die as mortal enemies during this war we'll honour your memory by nuking your weird porn history

 **Pietro Maximoff:** you guys are the bes-OH GOD SHE'S FOUND ME AGAIN BYE

 **Harley Keener:** i love this group

\-------

 **Assgardian:** can anyone else hear pietro screaming

 **HawkBi:** i think MJ has caught him

 **Assgardian:** that woman is formidable

 **Assgardian:** if she'd been born on Asgard centuries years ago she'd be a Valkyrie

 **Gnat:** i'm so proud of her

 **Gnat:** she's my daughter and i'd die for her

 **Iron Dad:** Nat: "I've only known MJ [for like 3 years] but if anything happened to her i'd kill everyone in this room and then myself"

 **Gnat:** bet.

 **America's Ass:** uh guys

 **America's Ass:** i just got a call from Wanda asking how Pietro is

 **America's Ass:** what do i say

 **HawkBi:** tell her he's on the world's kinkiest group date

 **Iron Dad:** make sure you stress that none of the participants of the group date are aware its a date

 **Iron Dad:** that really adds to the narrative

 **HawkBi:** ^^

 **America's Ass:** ... i'm just gonna tell her he's playing video games with his friends

 **Iron Dad:** COWARD

 **Big Green Baby:** i went to check on pietro expecting some injuries, but when i found him he was just lying flat on his back smiling at the ceiling

 **Big Green Baby:** all he would say is how proud he is of MJ for improving so quickly on her fighting skills, and how clever Peter, Shuri and Harley were with their traps

 **Iron Dad:** ......ten bucks says Pietro is gonna be the first to realise whats going on in that friendship group

 **HawkBi:** you're SO on, i say it'll be Shuri or MJ. 

**Assgardian:** ^ agreed. Women always tend to be a little more emotionally aware

 **Iron Dad:** y'all are soooo on

\-----

**Five Minutes Later**

**\-----**

**Private Chat: Pietro Maximoff and Tony Stark**

**Pietro Maximoff:** MR STARK I NEED YOUR ADVICE I THINK I'M GOING CRAZY

 **Pietro Maximoff:** and out of all the Actual Adults in the tower youre the most Like A Dad so pls help sos

 **Tony Stark:** ??? what's up kid what's wrong???

 **Pietro Maximoff:** so like

 **Pietro Maximoff:** can you tell me what its like being in love with multiple people

 **Pietro Maximoff:** i'm uh

 **Pietro Maximoff:** asking for a friend

 **Tony Stark:** oh, kid

 **Tony Stark:** come down to my lab, we'll talk

 **Pietro** **Maximoff:** thank you mr stark

\-----

**Group Chat: Assvengers**

**Iron Dad: @HawkBi @Assgardian** HAHAHAHA BOTH OF YOU CAN FUCKING SUCK IT

 **Big Green Baby:** what's going on?

**SpideyBaby has logged on**

**America's Ass:** and whose dickare we sucking and can me and Nat join

 **SpideyBaby:** not even 2 seconds of peace

**SpideyBaby has logged off**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://twitter.com/OT7orDEATH
> 
> Have any scenarios you'd like to see happen in this fic? Leave a review!
> 
> Don't have a prompt? Leave a review anyway I thrive off of attention what can I say ;)


	3. Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter's friends slowly but surely come to the same realisation: they're done for. Pietro gives them one final little push.
> 
> The Avengers are absolutely thriving from all this romantic drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I ending this on a cliff-hanger?
> 
> Maybe so, maybe so. (but as if we don't know I'm going to give them a happy ending I'm a simp for happiness sue me)

**Iron Dad had entered the group chat: OT6 4EVA**

**Iron Dad:** what the fuck is happening in the common room

 **Iron Dad:** I can hear raised voices and I'm not sure how serious it is 

**Iron Dad:** sounds personal tho so I don't wanna intrude?

 **Gnat:** "don't wanna intrude" lmao you KNEW Clint and I would be spying and you'd get all the juicy goss anyway

 **Iron Dad:** I can neither confirm nor deny

 **Iron Dad:** but perhaps having 2 spies for partners comes in handy I can't say really

 **HawkBi:** sure jan

 **HawkBi:** anyway

 **HawkBi:** The Children have all gathered in the lounge room to give Peter the third degree

 **America's Ass:** none of them are actual children they're all over 18

 **Assgardian:** yes, but Tony has far more protective father instincts then he lets on and can't help himself from basically adopting any young person he's even mildly fond of

 **Iron Dad:**

**Assgardian:** and as Tony's partners that makes us parents!

 **Iron Dad:** thanks for the support babe <3

 **Assgardian:** anytime.....babe <3

 **Big Green Baby:** guys isn't this an invasion of privacy

 **HawkBi:** if they didn't want to be overheard they wouldn't be doing this in the shared loungeroom

 **Iron Dad:** ^ 

**America's Ass:** also I'm crazy curious

 **Big Green Baby:** E TU, STEVE?

 **Assgardian:** HAHAHAHAHA

 **Gnat:** we'll make a spy out of you yet stevie

 **Iron Dad:** so what are they giving Peter the third degree over?

 **Gnat:** he went on patrol last night and he met up with a masked mercenary named Deadpool

 **America's Ass:** I've seen the file on this guy. Isn't he bad news?

 **HawkBi:** we're keeping a close eye on him. Has a shady past but seems to be behaving himself for now

 **HawkBi:** apparently wants to "impress Spiderman by being a goody two shoes"

 **Iron Dad:** Peter's powers are literally boundless what the fuck

 **Big Green Baby:** next supervillian we meet, instead of fighting them we should just shove Peter's puppy dog eyes at them and watch them fall in love

 **America's Ass:** as the group's official strategist

 **America's Ass:** you have my complete approval of this method

 **Iron Dad:** please stop trying to use my baby as bait

 **Big Green Baby:** ( ˘ ³˘)♥

 **Gnat:** ANYWAY

 **Gnat:** after patrol last night Deadpool insisted on dropping spidey back at the tower because "he's a fucking gentlemen" apparently

 **Assgardian:** I genuinely can't tell if that's a joke

 **HawkBi:** you and me both babe

 **Gnat:** the kids were chilling together when spidey and Deadpool arrived

 **Gnat:** and GET THIS - Tony sweetheart you're gonna SCREAM

 **Iron Dad:** WHAT WHAT WHAT

 **Gnat:** Deadpool flirted with spidey before he left in front of EVERYONE

 **Gnat:** Shuri, MJ, Pietro and Harley have, in fact, lost their fucking minds

 **HawkBi:** they want to know if Deadpool is serious, if they're dating, if Peter knows it's a bad idea because "Deadpool is dangerous you're being so stupid how could you"

 **HawkBi:** and poor confused Peter is like "he's just a good buddy who likes to flirt for fun"

 **HawkBi:** GUYS THEY'RE JEALOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Iron Dad:** this is the best day of my fucking life I'm in tears

 **America's Ass:** well, Pietro KNOWS he's jealous right?

 **Iron Dad:** yup.

 **Iron Dad:** We had a good long chat last week. He realised he had feelings for MJ during the Great Chase, and as we spoke he realised "oh shit oh god oh no I like ALL of them"

 **Iron Dad:** it was ADORABLE

 **Big Green Baby:** .... That is pretty sweet

 **Assgardian:** but that also means none of the other children understand why they care so much, right? 

**Assgardian:** to even understand that the feeling you're experiencing is jealousy, you have to know you have feelings for someone in the first place..... Right?

 **Gnat:** exactly right sweetie

 **Iron Dad:** god they're probably all so confused about why they even care that Deadpool flirted

 **Iron Dad:** should we help

 **America's Ass:** absolutely not

 **America's Ass:** if we had to suffer through this nonsense so do they

 **Big Green Baby:** and god did we suffer

 **HawkBi:** no joke I had a confused boner for like 6 months straight

\--------

**SpideyBaby has entered group chat: Assvengers**

**SpideyBaby:** i think my friends hate me now :(

 **SpideyBaby:** i have descended unto the very lowest level of hell from which there will be no deliverance

 **SpideyBaby:** and my heart hurts

 **Iron Dad:** ok first of all.

 **Iron Dad:** Far be it for me to minimise other people's feelings but I think in this one instance i'm justified in telling you you're being _slightly_ overdramatic

 **SpideyBaby:** i'm sorry i'm not accepting criticism at this time i can only deal with one breakdown at a time

 **America's Ass:** kid your friends don't hate you

 **America's Ass:** they only know deadpool by his pretty horrible reputation

 **America's Ass:** sometimes when you care about someone, and they do something that scares you (like..... hanging out with a homicidal maniac with dicey morals), you accidentally take it out on the person you care about because you need an outlet for all that fear

 **Gnat:** fuck that's deep Steve i love you

 **HawkBi:** Natasha "seduce me with your emotional intelligence" Romanoff

 **Gnat:** who told you my middle name.

 **Assgardian:** that's why she loves you the least, Clint

 **HawkBi:** HEY ALRIGHT NOW DIDN'T EXPECT THAT FROM YOU 

**Assgardian:** as the children say: <3

 **HawkBi:** <3

 **Big Green Baby:** let's maybe focus on Peter's issues right now. We can get back to Clint's lack of emotional intelligence at a later date

 **HawkBi:** i don't deserve this

 **SpideyBaby:** you really think so, Steve?

 **SpideyBaby:** they seemed so upset with me

 **SpideyBaby:** pietro even asked me if i preferred hanging out with Wade over them nowadays 

**SpideyBaby:** he's my friend and i trust him but Pietro, Shuri, MJ and Harley are my _best_ friends ya know

 **SpideyBaby:** i'm so worried they think i'm not as committed to The Squad anymore

 **Big Green Baby:** I'm actually going to mention that to all of them in a few hours when they come down for lab time

 **Big Green Baby:** as concerned as they were about you, it was unfair of them to use your friendship as a tool in an argument like that

 **Big Green Baby:** i'll be subtle but i'll make sure they know to apologise to you

 **SpideyBaby:** you don't have to do that bruce...

 **Big Green Baby:** i want to

 **Iron Dad:** he has a lot of experience mediating fights in group relationships

 **SpideyBaby:** ugggh this isn't a relationship

 **Iron Dad:** hey, friendships are group relationships

 **SpideyBaby:** oh well if that's all you meant

 **Iron Dad:...........** and this will be romantic one day

 **SpideyBaby:** ALRIGHT I'M OUTTA HERE I HATE THIS FAMILY

 **Gnat:** BYE KID LOVE U

\--------

**Group Chat: Baby Avengers**

**MJ:** yo Peter

 **MJ:** we fucked up

 **MJ:** totally out of line

 **MJ:** I apologise on behalf of all of us

 **Harley:** who you hang out with is none of our business, and if you trust this Wade guy that should be good enough for us

 **Peter:** uwu

 **Peter:** forgiven of course

 **Peter:** let's never fight again

 **Shuri:** and by that it's actually "let's never dog pile Peter again"

 **Peter:** yeah tbh that'd be fantastic

 **Pietro:** Bruce rather deservedly tore us a new one

 **Peter:** wait really?

 **Peter:** he said he was gonna be subtle about it that absolute traitor

 **Harley:** yeah but Clint came with him and kept hyping him up and by the end he was yelling

 **Harley:** but actually now that I think it about I'm not certain if he was really yelling at us or at Clint 

**Harley:** I'm like 70% sure it was a sex thing for Clint

 **Shuri:** 100% a sex thing

 **MJ:** like we get it Hawkeye we've all daydreamed about getting fucked by the Hulk doesn't mean we're gonna try it

 **Pietro:** I'm sorry, MJ, we've all daydreamed about WHAT?

 **MJ** **has logged out of the chat**

 **Peter:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK

\-----------

**Group Chat: OT6 4EVA**

**Big Green Baby has changed his name to Group Therapist**

**Group Therapist:** alright i've talked to the kids

 **Group Therapist:** everyone was very emotionally mature and i think they really grew as people today

 **Group Therapist:** they've assured me they'll apologise to Peter and set all of this right

 **HawkBi:** what he really means by this is

 **HawkBi:** he tried to remain calm but I kept reminding him how sad Peter looked and he got angrier and angrier until I think the kids agreed to apologise out of sheer survival instinct

 **Iron Dad:** .... Clint did you try to set the Hulk on our kids

 **HawkBi:** fucken maybe I did bitch what about it

 **America's Ass:** i wish they'd left me in the ice

 **Group Therapist:** oh please

 **Group Therapist:** it takes more than a bit of needling from Clint to get me to go Green nowadays

 **Group Therapist:** i handled it fine. The kids are apologising because they want to, not because they're scared

 **HawkBi:** he says he handled it fine but it's important to note he dragged me into his lab and fucked me against 3 different surfaces in attempt to calm himself down

 **HawkBi:** i'd be lying if I said i hadn't been angling for exactly that

 **HawkBi:** not being able to walk is the cost of calming Bruce down from a Code Green and I shall pay it any day

 **HawkBi:**

**Gnat:** personally I think sex is an ideal way for Bruce to let out his frustrations 

**Gnat:** and I'm deeply insulted I wasn't invited

 **Assgardian:** Bruce - what kind of sounds was Clint making by the third time you fucked him?

 **Group Therapist:** oh after the second time he was so deep in sub space he mostly just whimpered and said thank you

 **HawkBi:** ..... ah I see the tables have turned on this situation

 **Assgardian:** good to know.

**Iron Dad:**

**Iron Dad:** I'll be noting that one down for next time, thanks Bruce

 **Group Therapist:** any time

 **HawkBi:** pls

 **Gnat:** next time we just straight up let Hulk fuck Clint

 **Group Therapist:** NO

 **Gnat:** ALRIGHT NOT CLINT. I'LL DO IT

 **Group Therapist:** NO ONE IS FUCKING THE HULK

 **Group Therapist:** you morons have a death wish

 **America's Ass:** who's the moron, the morons, or the moron who loves the morons

 **Group Therapist:**

\---------

**MJ has created a new group chat**

**MJ has added users Pietro, Shuri and Harley**

**MJ has named the chat: "Super Secret Feelings Discussion No Spiders Allowed"**

**Harley:** i'm almost afraid to ask

 **Harley:** but momma didn't raise no fucken coward so I'll ask anyway

 **Harley:** wots all dis then

 **MJ:** I can't stop thinking about one of the last things Bruce said to us before he left

 **Shuri:** what, "I'm gonna fuck Clint so hard he cries"?

 **MJ:** that'll live rent free in my horny lockbox for eternity but no

 **MJ:** he asked us all to think about WHY we cared so much about the possibility that peter was dating deadpool

 **Shuri:** oh

 **Shuri:** yeah I've been thinking about that too

 **Pietro:** ah so that's why Peter isn't in this chat

 **MJ:** mhm

 **Harley:** maybe momma did raise a coward because thinking about this scares me

 **Shuri:** the little jokes Tony makes about "raising a new poly generation" were funny for a while but lately i've started wondering if perhaps. Mayhaps. Mayhapeth. Perchance. He might not be joking as much as we initially thought

 **Harley:** oh thank god I thought i was the only one reading too much into it

 **MJ:** so we're...... all in love with Peter, then?

 **Harley:** ....

 **Harley:** oh my god I'm in love with Peter Parker

 **Shuri:** oh my god we _do_ wanna dog pile Peter again

 **Shuri:** but like

 **Harley:** sexually yes thank you Shuri we get the joke

 **MJ:** well

 **MJ:** at least it's out in the open now? 

**MJ:** we won't blow up on him for nothing because we have no healthy way of demonstrating our feelings

 **MJ:** we can just come here and scream

 **Shuri:** what, you.............. don't think we should tell him?

 **MJ:** what are the chances Peter likes all of us? 

**MJ:** slim to none

 **MJ:** telling him could tear this group apart and that scares me more than keeping these feelings secret

 **Harley:** i see your point but I can't say I like the idea of keeping secrets from him

 **Shuri:** me neither

 **MJ:** i know

 **MJ:** hey **@Pietro** you've been uncharacteristically quiet, are you ok?

 **Pietro:** yeah it's just

 **Pietro:** this isn't exactly a new revelation for me

 **Shuri:** oh? you knew you had a crush on him beforehand?

 **Pietro:** yeah. I've had a big long Dad Talk with Tony about it

 **Pietro:** one half of the conversation was about the fact we were clearly all head over heels for Peter

 **Pietro:** and Tony confided in me that he had his suspicions that if we spoke to Peter about it openly and honestly

 **Pietro:** Peter could very well one day reciprocate, if he doesn't already

 **Pietro:** Tony's not 100% certain on where Peter's feelings are at right now.

 **Pietro:** For a kid with like 0 poker face when he doesn't have his mask on, he's kinda hard to read when it comes to romance

 **Shuri:** well.............. holy shit

 **Harley:** i guess ..... that kinda changes things?

 **MJ:** big time

 **MJ:** so we.... tell him? ask him if he would consider dating each of us separately?

 **MJ:** are we all willing to share him between us, if he even consented?

 **Shuri:** i can't imagine trusting anyone else with him except you guys. all of us are so close

 **Harley:** i guess we can do that?

 **Harley:** i dunno something still feels like it's missing

 **Shuri:** missing?

 **Harley:** yeah.

 **Harley:** Like there's some other big factor we're not seeing

 **Pietro:** i uh

 **Pietro:** might know something about that, too

 **MJ:** hit us

 **Pietro:** well, that was the second part of my convo with Tony

 **Pietro:** i wasn't just in love with Peter

 **Pietro:** i'm in love with all of you

 **Shuri:** wait what

 **Pietro:** i have feelings for each of you.

 **Pietro:** I don't just want to kiss Peter and then hand him over to one of you. I want to be there while you kiss Peter, and then I want to kiss you as well

 **Pietro:** which i uh. Tony referred to it as "polyfidelity" 

**Pietro:** he suspects it's reciprocated between all of us - he recognises the signs from when the Avengers were still falling over each other pretending there were no feelings involved

 **Pietro:** he thinks we basically could have the same thing as what the Avengers have now and I ................. hope so too

 **Pietro:** they refer to what they have as a "group marriage" but its ultimately the same thing just different terms for different preferences

 **Pietro:** just like them, everyone in the group would be dating each other. And no one dates outside our group.

 **Pietro:** we wouldn't _just_ be dating Peter

 **Pietro:** we'd be dating each other

 **Pietro:** i'm sorry i'm repeating myself i'm nervous

 **Pietro:** does that uh

 **Pietro:** does that make any sense

 **Pietro:** no one is saying anything please don't hate me

 **Pietro:** if I've misread the situation just forget I said anything

 **Harley:** well

 **Harley:** holy fucking shit

**Shuri:**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My poor, awkward little children just don't quite know how to describe how they feel and then Pietro comes along and drops some MAJOR bombs. I love poly discussions it gives me liiiife.
> 
> do you hate me for making you wait until next week to find out:
> 
> 1\. Do the other kids reciprocate Pietro's feelings (pft of course they do look who's writing this)  
> 2\. How the kids are gonna approach Peter about all these new and exciting bombshells  
> 3\. HOW THE AVENGERS ARE GOING TO REACT TO THE FACT THE KIDS ARE FINALLY GETTING THEIR SHIT TOGETHER


End file.
